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parenting vs. spousal abilities in one who's addicted to a substance. What you're seeing so far your are are that he's a good father. So far. But he's a bad husband to you, and he's not being very good to himself either, is he? This sort of thing only escalates or changes form, but it doesn't just dissipate when you're not around for him to be bad to. He'll continue to make wrong choices unless he gets help to change. The be next. What makes you think he'll choose his over booze? You don't understand the power of addiction, if you think he'll just stop drinking when the are around. I thought exactly the same way you do, when my first husband and I were splitting up. Only his demon was pot, and sometimes booze (not so much). I thought he was a great father, but a bad husband. But my grew up watching his father himself through and alcohol and that has affected my. He truly doesn't like his father today, doesn't respect him at all because even though they had great times together, his dad always always chose his addiction over the welfare of his. He 'split' from his father for the same reason I did. This from a who grew up in a loving home with both parents, to whom family and were his world, and this one was his only ever at having (He was sterile, our was adopted.) Parenting is so much more than spending time with the, playing games, reading stories, protecting and loving them. It's also much sacrifice of one's self. It's also setting a good example, so they don't grow up in the same patterns. Think about what he's teaching your about respect for one's self and one's wife. About how loving relationships are supposed to work. Your are looking to both of you for those models, and they'll live what they learned. (- your husband is living what HE learned, isn't he?) I'm just saying you need to take the blinders off. don't fool yourself about what a great father he is. He IS trying, apparently he doesn't want his to suffer the way he did. But he's ignoring greater damage he's doing, and he doesn't realize it. Try to get him into counseling, even if you split. Please.
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